Tuesday, December 27, 2005

iF i KiSsEd YoU...

If i kissed you
Would fireworks fly
Would angels sing with lollipops
Would dinosaurs cry
Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise
I i kissed you
*
If i kissed you
What would Michelangelo say
Would he still have sculpted David
Would we be immortalized in clay
Would the poets write of love like ours
Would John Donne have his say
If i kissed you
*
You could be one in a million
You could be the one for me
But i guess i'll never know if i never try
I guess i'll just have to grab you in my arms and kiss you
*
If i kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
With a tattoo of my name on your behind
If i kissed you.
Oh, if i kissed you
Yeah, if i kissed you.

This is my favourtie song of the moment, If i kissed you, by local artiste Corrinne May. It's a nice catchy song with meaningful lyrics in it...

2 oLd MaN...

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they ended up at the local brothel.

The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says, "You know, I think my girl was dead!"

"Dead..?" says his friend, "why would you say that?"

"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her."

His friend says, "I think mine was a witch.",

"A witch!? why would you say that?"

"Well, I was really getting into making love to her, kissing her on the neck and on down and then around her ass and when I gave her a little bite, she farted and flew out the window.

**RiNg~RiNg**

((((ring)))) (((ring-g-g-g-g))) *** pick up ***

"Hello?""Hi honey, this is Daddy...is your Mummy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Oh Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy, right now!"

"Uh Okay then......here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay Daddy!"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"Well I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?" he asks.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool..... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."

*** long pause ***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool???? Is this 555-7039?"

No! This is 555-7093" the little girl said.

"Oooooppppssss....sorry wrong number!"

Friday, December 23, 2005

tHe GoOd DaYs...

50 things Singaporeans born in the 70s and 80s can identify with...

1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Ultraman, Batman, Carebears, Road-Runner, Bugs Bunny, The Ghostbusters, Tom & Jerry, Smurf , Mickey Mouse and Ninja turtles.

2. You wake up early every Sunday morning at 9am to watch the cartoons on "Good Morning Singapore"

3. You know what SBC and TCS stands for.

4. You had to brush your teeth with a coloured mug in Primary school after recess time with all your classmates beside you. The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times.

5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.

6. YOur favourite actors and actresses were Huang Wen Yong and Xiang Yun. Next Were Li Nan Xing and Zoe Tay, followed by the Aiyoyo lau shi-Chen LiPing

7. Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.

8. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school. And we would send Alpha-numeric messages and send weird voicemails and operator-assisted text messages

9. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats were made of wood and the cushion was red. The big red bell gave a loud Buzzzzt! When the aircon buses came on, you were very excited to take them. Then came the double-deck air-con bus, known as "The Super Bus".

10. Trains and bus rides used to be paid by using the magnetic farecards. Red ofr children's card, green for adults, purple for senior citizens and green fore 1 trip tickets. Bus fares can be paid by slotting the magnetic farecards into the red machine at the entrance of the bus, then press your value and the farecard comes out with the bus ticket.

11. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Acai the constable. And Vinny the Vampire too and Acai has like 2 or 3 books in a series! YG jokebooks too.

12. You were there when they first introduced MRT here (YioChuKang to ToaPayoh). You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to look at the scenery.

13. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50. Seat numbers were scrawled onusing big red pencils. Ushers brought you into the cinemas using big metallic torchlights.

14. Gals were fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.You also collected Care Bears stickers, trying to complete the impossible task of filling up the sticker book.

15. You always bought tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack), Beebee (10cent per packet) and Ding Dang(50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ringpop. Mamee tibits came with stickers in it too.

16. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials youwatched on TV2.

17. You grew up reading ladybird READ IT YOURSELF? Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew,The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven were probably the thickest story books you ever thought you had. You also love Enid Blyton's Enchanted Wood and anything by Roald Dahl.

18. Civics and Moral Education was Hao(3) Gong(1) Min(2).

19. Dear Mr Policeman used to be part of Social Studies classes.

20. KFC used to be a high class place and let you use metal forks and knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and... You just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.

22. Catching was the IN thing (a.k.a. Police and Thief) and twist or "choap" was the magic word.

23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow. (That's why they never let us use felt-tip pen)
24. Some part of your school was ALWAYS haunted, like the toilet or clock tower or a certain block. You walk fast to avoid them.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths. You printed with noisy dot matrix printers and use computer papers with two rows of holes at the sides.
26. Waterbottles, with your favourite cartoon character on it,were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.

27. Hopskotch, five stones,chateh and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...

28. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives.

29. Who could forget Ahmad, Bala, Gopal, Sumei, Peihua, Xiao Ming, Xiao Hua, Sue and John, eternalised in the math textbooks. Even Mr Wolly, Mr Yakki were in the english textbooks.

30. You did stupid exercises like seal crawl and frog jumps.
31. Every Children's day and National day you either get pencils or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1987'.

32. During every Chinese New Year, Racial Harmony Day or Childrens' Day, School children are allowed to wear their cultural costumes or their own clothes. Childrens' Day and Teachers' Day will consist of parties in the classrooms

33. The upper primary children have to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.

34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring and damn fiercelooking. Your form teacher taught you maths, science and english.
35. You need to read a certain number of books in a year to get a badge to add to your collection. Same for the blue science experiment card.

36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit and wipe yourself dry.Then you wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.

38. You listened to Xin(1) Yao(2). Remember Eric Moo's Kopi'O','Sunglass'etc?
39. After exams, you brought game and watch to school, and play cardgames ,like 'snap' and 'donkey', and you also play pick up sticks and snakes & ladder and the aeroplane board game. Either this or you would play those cards comparing aeroplanes, warships, or tanks; who would have more firepower or speed or weight, etc.
40. You remember you uncles, big brothers and father screaming and shouting in front of the TV when the S'pore soccer team (always in blue jerseys) play against the Malaysians.

41. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $2 or more for pocket money everyday.

42. During class gatherings, parents always come along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.

43. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.

44. Handkerchieves were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebooks, erasers and all kinds of stationery was a popular thing. The school bookshops will always be crowded with kids wanting to buy these stationaries during recess time.

46. Autograph books were loaded with ?Best Wishes?, Forget Me Not?, and small poems like Birds fly high, hard to catch. A Friend like you, hard to forget?

47. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk somemore,I write your name ah!?" You will have to take out your book and read quietly in the hall before school starts.

48. You'd listened to Oasis, Jason Donavan, Kylie Manogue, Take That,Boyzone, Backstreet Boys, Nirvana, Blur, Ash and Tommy Page
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried. And fanciful pencil cases with lots of small tiny drawers, trays, sharpener or thermometer, that pop out at the push of a button were the 'in' thing.

50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable, written on the inside cover of your little blue notebook.

Haha... The good old days... =)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

ChArAdEs ~ BaNg-CoCk??

A cute cartoon Baobei sent to me...


"Bang... Bang... eh... Bang-Cock?"